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Blame
What do you win when you play the blame
game? If you could convince others that your parents are to blame
for the way you are, what good would it do? If your business
failure could be blamed on something that really wasn't your
fault, would that help? Can blaming our personal problems on
outside factors ever be helpful?
Possibly. There is some evidence that assigning
failure to things outside our control may be useful for maintaining
self esteem and motivation. An example is when someone says "Oh,
the rain ruined the event," then adds, "I'll have to
plan for that next time." The truth is, though, that many
would just blame the rain without adding the second part of the
thought.
Losing The Blame Game
Focusing on outside factors that contribute
to our problems de-motivates us. Even if it was true that a friend
made you late for an interview and you lost the job, it just
can't help to dwell on it. When you do so, you just feel like
giving up, don't you? What can you do then? Two things.
1. Learn Your Lessons.
2. Take Responsibility.
If, for example, it was an accident on
the part of your friend, you just let it go. If your friend is
always late, however, you note that. Now you tell yourself, "I'll
get a ride with someone else next time," or "I'll plan
to be there thirty minutes early and I'll have a back-up plan."
It's one thing to recognize when others
do something wrong, or storms rain on your parade. It's another
thing - a useless thing - to persist in blaming outside factors
for where you are in life. If someone stole all your money, they
did you wrong, but don't persist in blaming as your ongoing response.
Ask yourself what you can do to make more, and to keep it from
being stolen again. Always focus on what YOU can do, not on what
others have done.
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Subtle Blame
Ah, but the blame game can be a subtle
one. There is a fine line between the necessary recognizing of
"problem factors" and giving control to them. If a
person gains weight easily, they have to recognize that fact.
Repeating that fact to oneself or others, however, is usually
a subtle way of saying, "My body type is to blame, so there's
nothing I can do."
To overcome this tendency, include
what YOUR decisions are when talking about outside factors. Follow,
"John just depresses me," with "but I choose to
spend time with him." Say "My parents screwed me up,"
but add "that's why I'm working to change my beliefs."
Have you ever known someone that subtly blames the world for
his problems, but never seems to recognize his own contribution
to his problems? How happy and successful is he?
Everyone of us could think of dozens of
people and things that have caused us problems in our lives.
Who and what are they? Who cares?! What are are we going to do
about it? That's the important question. Have you ever seen someone
blame their way to success? It's time to give up the blame game.
Better Life | Blame |