A Collection of Funny Quotes
Why do I have a page full of funny quotes on a web site about
brainpower? Because humor is essentially a lateral thinking process,
and can be a form of brain exercise. You are lead in one direction
and then surprised by a sudden turn, or you are shown a different
way to look at something. In addition to encouraging creative
thought, humor causes a release of endorphins that makes you
feel good, and wakes up your brain.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked
by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the
old ones. - Mike Barfield
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
Definition of confidence: Ignorance of the possibilities
of failure. - Steven Scott
I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't
always agree with them. - George Bush
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told
me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer
in school. - Cokie Roberts
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
- Pablo Picasso.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more
interesting than sex. - Edgar Wallace.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television
by candlelight. - George Gobol
I invented the cordless extension cord. - Steven Wright
I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who
live above me are furious. - Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights,
so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright
Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of
widths. - Steven Wright
There are only three types of people in the world: those
who can count and those who can't. - A. Nonymous
What's on your mind, if you'll forgive the overstatement?
- Fred Allen
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have
others. - Groucho Marx
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics
exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me. - Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I
want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there. - Yogi Berra
Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed
the river. - Cordel Hull
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by
age eighteen. - Albert Einstein
A great many people think they are thinking when they are
merely rearranging their prejudices. - William James
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
- Steven Wright
I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I
said, "No thanks -- I'm not going that far." - Steven
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am
right. - Ashleigh Brilliant