Funny Quotes

Why do I have a page full of funny quotes on a web site about brainpower? Because humor is essentially a lateral thinking process, and can be a form of brain exercise. You are lead in one direction and then surprised by a sudden turn, or you are shown a different way to look at something. In addition to encouraging creative thought, humor causes a release of endorphins that makes you feel good, and wakes up your brain.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones. - Mike Barfield

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. - Albert Einstein

Definition of confidence: Ignorance of the possibilities of failure. - Steven Scott

I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school. - Cokie Roberts

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. - Pablo Picasso.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex. - Edgar Wallace.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobol

I invented the cordless extension cord. - Steven Wright

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious. - Steven Wright

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. - Steven Wright

There are only three types of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't. - A. Nonymous

What's on your mind, if you'll forgive the overstatement? - Fred Allen

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others. - Groucho Marx

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me. - Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there. - Yogi Berra

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river. - Cordel Hull

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. - Albert Einstein

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. - William James

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. - Steven Wright

I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, "No thanks -- I'm not going that far." - Steven Wright

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. - Ashleigh Brilliant

For more funny quotes, see the page: Funny Sayings

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