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Really Funny Jokes

Why have a page on really funny jokes in a site about brainpower? Because along with humor's proven ability to help people heal faster, it also has the potential to "wake up" the brain. Jokes, and riddles in particular, are often based on what is called "lateral thinking." Good jokes take you down a path that takes a sharp turn at the punch line. This gets your brain out of it's ruts.

An old couple was watching TV one evening, and the husband got up to go to the kitchen. His wife told him to get her some iced tea, and knowing that the years had taken their toll on his memory, she told him to write it down.

"I can remember iced tea," he protested.

"But I want sugar in my tea too," she told him, "so write it down."

He told her he could remember iced tea with sugar.

"I want a slice of lemon too." she said, "Just write it down."

He left the room grumbling to himself. A few minutes later he came back with a plate full of mashed potatoes for her.

"Now look what you've done!" she yelled at him, "You forgot my gravy!"

Three Old Men

Three old men were sitting on a park bench comparing notes on the problems of growing old. The first said he couldn't remember the last time he had a good bowel movement. The second one said his problem was more with his bladder and prostate. The third old man laughed and said he must be the lucky one.

"Every morning at seven I pee, and then at eight I have a good dump," he told them. " I just wish I could wake up before nine."

Really Funny Jokes : One-Liners

- On the other hand, you have different fingers.

- He was lost in thought because it was unfamiliar territory.

- Nothing is really foolproof for a sufficiently talented fool.

- The latest poll finds that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

- "Nobody goes where the crowds are anymore. It's too crowded." - Yogi Berra

- "Why is it when we talk to God we're praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?" - Lily Tomlin

- "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it by not dying." - Woody Allen

- He started out with nothing, and he still has most of it.

- It was decided that his sole purpose in life was to serve as a bad example.

- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving may not be for you.

- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

- Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

- The philosopher was laying in bed one night, looking up at the moon, and he thought to himself, "Where the heck is my ceiling?"

- He doesn't suffer from stress - he's a carrier.

- And if I was getting smart with you, how would you know?

- How can there be self-help "groups"?

- Is there another word for 'synonym'?

For more really funny jokes, try the page, "Twisted Humor," but be aware that it is a bit more off-color. Also, check back here, as we will be replacing the jokes on this page as we find funnier ones. Funny Riddles is good for a few laughs. The page on hard riddles also has a few funny riddles, though it is more of a brain-exercising page. Philosophy Quotes : has more serious quotes to get you thinking.