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A Dozen Stupid Jokes

Yes these are stupid perhaps, but they make me laugh. Hopefully they will do the same for you. I think it is good for the brain to laugh, and even if this turns out to be untrue, laughter has already been proven to have other benefits, like relieving stress and exercising the cardio vascular system. So here we go with a few stupid jokes...

1. Three old men were sitting in the park talking. A little girl was in front of them, playing with her dog and listening to them. The first old man said "whoomf." The second looked at him and said, "No, it's whooorf." The third old guy said, "You're both wrong. It's whoompha."

At this point the little girl came over with her dog and announced, "Don't be silly. It's whoof, and you know it." She took her dog and left. The men sat there for a moment. Finally one of them spoke up.

"I don't know. She's pretty young. I bet she's never even heard a buffalo fart."

2. A man was carpeting his living room, and once finished, he couldn't find his pack of cigarettes. Then he saw the lump in the middle of the carpet. He decided he didn't want to pull up the new carpet for one pack of smokes, so he took his hammer and pounded the lump flat. His wife came in the room just then and handed him his cigarettes.

"I found them in the kitchen," she told him. "Now if I can just find our pet hamster."

3. An idiot was taking sky-diving lessons. The instructor explained that it was time for his first jump, and all he had to do was jump from the plane, count to six, and pull the rip cord. A truck would be waiting for him in the field where he would land.

The man jumped from the plane when he was told to, and counted to six. When he pulled the rip cord, the parachute wouldn't open. He tried the reserve chute and that didn't open. Frustrated, he muttered to himself as he fell, "I'll bet the truck won't be waiting for me either."

4. The man asked the doctor for birth control pills, and the doctor asked why he would need birth control. "To help me sleep better." Birth control pills don't help with insomnia, the doctor explained. "Yes they do," the man insisted, "I put them in my daughter's drink before she goes out and I sleep much better."

5. Why did grandpa get to meet new people every day without leaving the house? Because he had alzheimer's disease.

6.Two idiots were trying to light a fire. The first one couldn't get the match to light, and the second one said, "That's strange, it lit this morning."

7. Did you hear about the idiot who was trying to develop powdered water? He didn't know what to reconstitute it with.

8. What kind of fish can't swim at all? Dead ones!

9. What is a slug? A homeless snail!

10. Why was the archeologist depressed? Because his career was in ruins!

11. Do you know what happened when the wheel was invented? It caused a revolution!

12. The teacher asked Gupta, "If you had seven cookies and Sanjay asked you for three, how many cookies would you have left?" Gupta immediately answered, "Seven!"

For more dumb jokes (and others), visit the Riddles and Puzzles Index Page


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